Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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