How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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