I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
