My brain says no but my pants say off.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
