Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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