Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We left the knife in your bed.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I licked your asshole in confidence.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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