We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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