So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
