That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
