you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
