He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
