he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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