This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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