he wants to bone in the snuggie
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm gonna fight the coyote
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
