atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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