dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just found a bag of teeth...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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