Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
