Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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