So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
