During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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