I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize