Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
