there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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