I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
