lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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