Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
