is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
