You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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