pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
