toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
