i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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