May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
