Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
