Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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