So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
