I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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