K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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