He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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