Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
