just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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