if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
