if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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