I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
