Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
