I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
