Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
