Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
