maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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