happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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