How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
