Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
