Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
