My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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