i love accidental penises.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
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Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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