i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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