My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
