You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
