you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
