I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
