We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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