I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
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He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
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Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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