I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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