that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize