Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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