just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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