just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
